ATTENTION!

New Fashion Trend

At muster drill today, Baby Jesus and myself officially decided that we have come up with the newest fashion trend…its got many uses and AND! It’s comfortable…what is this new wonder-piece-of-clothing you ask? The bright orange life jackets that we sport at muster. Now…some of you may be laughing at this statement, but I kid you not. I am going to revolutionize that fashion world, one life jacket at a time. Here’s a little visual:
The lifejacket has two rectangular pieces connected at the bottom that then separate (where they are connected by Velcro) and then go up to form a circle for head insertion. The piece that lies behind your neck is like a travel pillow in shape and size. The jacket comes fully equipped with a whistle and a flashing light that is activated when touched by salt water. There is also a strap that wraps around the waist to hold the jacket in place. Now…this jacket has many purposes, not to mention…it is HOTT! First of all, the jacket acts as a duel travel pillow. You have the back cushion thing that wraps all the way around your shoulders if you feel like leaning your head backwards or to the side. If the urge to lean your head forward comes upon you, no need to fear because the rectangular pieces at the front form a nice little ledge that you can very comfortably rest your head on and….as college students so often say…PASS OUT. I know you are sitting there in your chair completely amazed right now…but try to contain yourself…it gets better. Since we will be using these as travel pillows, we will be wearing them on planes. Have you ever actually thought to yourself that if the plane actually crashed in water, and you had to yank your chair off to use the life jacket under your seat, you wouldn’t know how to yank? Is there a certain yanking technique? What if the chair doesn’t come off? AND THEN once you get the chair off, you have to blow the life jacket up! WELL…if those thoughts have ever crossed your mind, then this new trend is the thing for you. It totally eliminates any possible worry, stress or anxiety about the plane life jacket problem…so far we have a travel pillow plus an automatic life jacket in the instance that your plane crashes. It also provides extra padding if you are hit by a car, bus, train or sumo wrestler, and if you ever go hunting…you sure as hell aren’t getting shot. Since it is obvious that this jacket must be worn at all times, it will have to be fashionable…CHECK! Need to impress a boy? Follow these 3 easy steps:
1) Raise hands to top of rectangles
2) Give said boy your best seductive face and a wink
3) Yank rectangles apart and thrust chest forward….AUTOMATIC CLEAVAGE!

You also have the whistle in case you need to direct traffic, and a flashing light in the instance that you decide that you need to have a disco dance party…automatic strobe light (in this case, you need to carry around some salt and some water, but hey…a disco party is TOTALLY WORTH IT).

Are we all in agreement that this jacket is going to change the world?!?! Can I get a hoo rah?? Baby Jesus and I decided to steal ours and Semester at Sea that we lost them…’what? I don’t know where it went…yes…I lost my gigantic life jacket in my tiny room…what are you talking about? I LOST IT!’ that’s our argument right there…then we will bring them back to the states, manufacture them and make our millions. Just hope and pray that you are one of the lucky ones that gets your hands on this fashion miracle.